Chapter 20, LRT misunderstanding

When you're in an LRT, you're expected to make room for people.
People who are disabled, old or pregnant.
So when there's no more seats left,
and a pregnant lady stands next to you,
you're expected to give up your seat.
After all, she has a person growing inside of her.

It so happens that today, I had to take the LRT cuz my car wont start.
I was on my way back from college.
There were no seats left, but it wasn't crowded.
There was this woman standing next to me.
I was sitting, so my head was practically at the same level as her tummy.
I was looking at her, scanning her from top to bottom.
I looked at her hair, legs, how she talks, what she wears..
Semua lah.
I think, observing sounds better, don't you think?
Yes, I was making an observation.
Don't judge me, everyone does that.
Yes, you pun. Jgn tipu.

So yeah, I was staring..
But I didn't make it obvious. I was busy texting someone.
Okay, I mean pretending to. It's not nice to stare kan?
Well, I think it's fine to stare as long as no one else notices.
;)

I thought to myself,

Oh, there's pregnant lady. I should offer her my seat, right?
Shit, what if she's not pregnant? What if that's just a tummy?
A tummy with no baby..
Fuuuuck, that'd be pretty awkward right?
She'd be cursing me till I die cuz I thought she was pregnant.
When she's actually not.
Maybe I should put my shades on and pretend that I'm blind

And then I remember fiddling with my phone a while ago..
Pretending to text.
Which blind person can do that?

I rested my head to the side and pretended to sleep.
Thank God she left soon after.
I'm still wondering whether she's pregnant or not.
It's not like I can go up to her and say,

"Miss, I think you should have a seat. Pregnant ladies should conserve energy whenever they can."

Conserve energy.
Yesss, I made her sound like an appliance
A pregnant appliance.. that's energy-saving.

Was she pregnant, or not?
Hhmm.. I guess I'll never know.

Chapter 19, there's this thing called PERSONAL SPACE

Behold the irony of this picture!
This is some funny shit man :)

On a lighter note, I've always wondered..
Why the fuck hell do people say 'free gifts'?
Which fucker smart ass came up with that?
Aren't all gifts free?!
So stupid.

I hate it when I'm sitting on a bench or a chair,
reading a newspaper or a magazine
And then some head comes hovering next to me
Reading the paper
WITH ME. NEXT TO ME.
He or she is so close, I could hear them BREATHE
If that's not bad enough, they smell too!
WTF! Bloody shit hell.
There's this thing called PERSONAL SPACE
It's my space. And yes, it's personal.

I should come up with a list of behaviours that annoy me..
Next post lah. It might take a while :P
Au revoir~

Chapter 18, let's be suggestive, shall we? ;)

Behind every great woman, there's a guy looking..
at her ass.

Don't do it in the garden, in the pool,
or even in the back seat of a car.
Love might be blind,
but people aren't.

Speaking of backseats.. be careful.
Kids + back seat = accidents
Accidents + back seats = kids
kids you didn't plan having
geddit?

Men can fake relationships & marriages
Women can do the same
If there's one thing that men can't fake
it's orgasms :P

Love is not just a mental disorder..
It might also be a sexually transmitted disease.

I shall end this post with one of my favourite quotes..

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure,
I make mistakes, I'm outta control,
and at times, a little hard to handle,
but if you can't handle me at my worst,

Then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

~ Marilyn Monroe

Chapter 17, Auntie Fofo

Yeap! The title of this post says it all. Fofo sudah jadi Auntie.
Please, don't call me 'makcik'. Sungguh tak glamour.
World, meet Tara Dania.
Picture was taken the day she was born, 12th Oct '09.

Yeah she's very bulat. And she smells like a baby :P
She doesn't do much. She just sleeps and breastfeeds...
She can wiggle2 a bit.
She'd open her eyes,
and then give me this.. what-are-you-looking-at punya face
And she poops too.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
She can do all that while being cute.
I can't wait to picit2 her pipi till she cries :)

So yeah, that's about it.
My life is boring.
I don't have people staring at me 24/7 thinking I'm God's greatest gift.
Not like Tara. People look at her and go "aaww~"
I don't get an "aaww~". I get "weeeiiii~"
Or "wooooiiiiii" :P
Hahaha. Dearest Tara, you'll have a wonderful life ahead of you.
I'll be home more often.
Nak kena jadi 'Auntie yang berhemah & bertauliah'
Hahahahahahahaha
Toodles!

Chapter 16, Twilight & poems ;)

Okay, I've decided to give Twilight a chance.
I figured, beneath all that hype, there must be something nice about it.
Besides, I gotta know what that vampire stuff is all about before I say more.
Hollywood didn't really give Twilight a fair chance tho..
Pri said it's one of those books you can just get hooked on.
She said in a way it's better than Harry Potter
(Completely bull.. But that's just my opinion)
grrr.... >:(

EVERYONE'S FLYING OFF DAAAAAHHH! :(:(
I miss Lye, Pri & Eve

One another note...

I was feeling bored
I was feeling blue
So I wrote this poem
My most recent breakthrough

Don't be quick to judge
And please don't hold a grudge
I did this just to kill time
To give myself some peace of mind

Enjoy :)

* * * * *

Women

There was a man who wanted a lady
But he didn't want one who is all bitchy
He thought and pondered
Which one, he wondered
Would be a good fit for me?

Does it take a pretty lassie
To make him call her honey
Or perhaps eyes that are dreamy
To cool him down when he's angry

Maybe a body shaped like a coke bottle
Can make him feel civil and humble
Or does it take a complete whore
To make his heart feel at war

Maybe it takes a total skank
Which chains he'd want to yank
Or perhaps a fuller figure
That might pull his trigger

Does it take a lass who seemed sweet
But turns out, she's a freak in the sheets?
Or maybe he needs a total fox
Whose drinks are always on the rocks

Maybe it takes ample bosom
To make him wanna have a threesome
Or perhaps a woman with class
Who also has a nice arse

At the end of the day
There's nothing left to say
When the time comes
He'll know to whom he belongs

Chapter 15, I've always wondered...

Have you ever had certain questions that are just so... stupid?
But I've been told that there's no such thing as a stupid question.
Oh well, here goes nothing

* * * * *

I've always wondered...
When I go to the cinema, which side of the cupholder is mine?
What about the armrest?

I've always wondered...
Why are the numbers on a telephone and a calculator reversed?

I've always wondered...
There is this saying “if all is not lost”
It makes no sense.
If all is not lost, then where the hell is it?

I've always wondered...
Heard of this rhyme before?

Beans beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you eat, the better you feel
So eat your bean for every meal.

Okay I understand that beans are good for the digestive system and all
But aren't beans vegetables?

I've always wondered...
If a crop circle is the shape of a triangle or a square,
Is it still called crop circle?

I've always wondered...
Why does everyone sound American when they sing in English?
Brits, Scots, Aussies..
But when an Indonesian sings, they sound like they're from Siam.
lol watch this

I've always wondered...
How do you handcuff someone who's only got one hand?
Would they like.. handcuff his ankles instead?

I've always wondered...
I've never heard someone who's actually SEEN people putting up a billboard
Tau2, eh! Iklan baru!

I've always wondered...
Why are there holes in those jacob's crackers?

And lastly, I've always wondered...
Up until today..
Why, on earth, do Superheros wear their undies on the outside?
It makes peeing that much harder.
Do they still wear undies inside the costume?

Chapter 14, it's finally here!

HARRY POTTER IS COMING! TOMORROW!
I'm so excited I might just wet my pants
Yeah I'm a fanatic. Screw you
TWILIGHT, eat shit
You'll never be as big as Harry Potter :)

* * * * *

There was a mosquito flying near my ear.
I got too excited about killing it
I would've been thoroughly satisfied
If only the mosquito had died
"-_-

Their sound is annoying
Annoying, like the itch they give you
I'll kill you some other time
Not now cuz I have a test later at 9

* * * * *

Sorry I got bored and I was feeling 'artistic'
The irony of the mosquito's survival boggles my mind
Okay gotta run.
I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight.

Chapter 13, work stories

I used to work at a credit service company.
Everyday I call customers and ask them to pay their installments
for their TV and all that shit
Same old shit, every single day.
I don't know how those people can stand working there for years.
Pay was not bad la for a high school grad.
TAPI BOSAN MACAM NAK MATI
I couldn't handle it.

We had a Japanese boss. He's very punctual and anal about time.
He walks really fast.. like he's got something stuck up his ass.
Strict and stern as hell. Like I said, ASS
Toilet break was limited to 5 minutes.
Mine turned into a 20-minute smoking/eating/sleeping break.
Macam sial.
I quit after 2 months.

I came across this really.. stupid.. foolish.. tak pergi skolah punya customer.
She's like the... makcik datin yang suka pakai gelang byk2 punya type
Who can't really speak english.
But desperately wants to be glamorous.

Here's how the conversation went...

* * * * *

Me: A**N credit service. Farhana speaking. How may I help you?

Caller: Ah. Yes cik Farhana. Can I go to customer service?

Me: Excuse me? Are you asking about our HQ location?

Caller: Eh noooo.. Customer service lah. Can I talk to them?

Me: Uhh.. miss, all of us here are working under customer service. Can you be more specific?

Caller: Oh, wait eehh. I go check

*Background voice*
"Yaaaaaang! Apa nak ckp niii? Customer service apa eh?"
*Man's voice mumbling something*

Caller: Yes, Can direct me to customer service DEPARTMENT, please.

Me: Okay, no problem. Which department are you referring to?

Caller: The one who talk with the customer laa..

Me: "-_-

*I hung up the phone*

* * * * *

Adoooiiii! Stress!
Woooooooiiii!!!!
CUSTOMER SERVICE MANA YANG TAK CKP DGN CUSTOMER?!

I swear I did not have the patience for that kind of.. intelligence.

Or should I say.. Lack of intelligence.

Chapter 12, let's get it on!

This is by far the cutest, funniest condom commercial I have ever seen.
by Durex

Enjoy :)

Chapter 11, bleeding advertising

I wish people would stop questioning Megan Fox's gender.
It doesn't matter if she's a dude or a chick
Or a dude with prominent feminine features
Of if she's straight or not
She's bisexual as a matter of fact

She's smokin' hot. And that's all to it :)

On the other note, I came across this.



This is a print ad for a road safety campaign done in New Zealand. Pretty cool ey?

They wanted people to slow down when it rained. They used the conditions themselves (in this case, the rain) together with the roadside billboards to communicate the message.

So when it rained, beautiful portraits of people on billboards started to bleed.

Easter is usually the worst time of year for road accidents in New Zealand. The reason is the holiday rush combined with the first heavy rain after summer. The client wanted to remind people to “drive to the conditions”.

How successful was this campaign ad? For starters, no one died that year during Easter. No fatalities. Limiting to the area that this print was located of course.

Why can't Malaysia have cool ads like this? Pfft~

Chapter 10, labels

I hate them.

I don't understand why people do that at times.. Why is that?
People, are such detailed creatures.
Even in general, we are all so very different.
Yes, some of us share certain similarities.
But similarities should not explain us as a 'whole'
Similarities.. It's a part of you. It's not you.
Our differences set us apart.
You are you. As I am I.
I'm not like you.. In fact, I'm probably nothing like you.

If a man, was attracted to another man, does that make him gay?
Or is it just the laws of attraction that draws us to each other?
Attraction is just attraction. Like a feeling is just a feeling.
Is 'okay' a feeling?
Then why do we sometimes say, "I'm okay"?
I dunno.. Perhaps the guy was giving out really strong pheromones
And maybe the pheromones were misinterpreted
Creating mixed signals

I don't like writing too much.
Too many words can make things.. mundane.

Thank you for your time. Good luck with whatever the hell you were doing.

Chapter 9, sarcasm

Sarcasm is a useful tool don't you think? Best way to indirectly tell someone how you feel.
How bout this for kicks.. ;)

Have fun!

* * * * *

You're a special person. There's no one like you out there. You're definitely 'one in a million'.

Fo says:

There are 6 billion people in the world. Which means, there are 6 000 people EXACTLY like you. So, d'you still feel special?

You do? Good for you :) You're 'special' indeed

* * * * *

How bout this instead..

Try adding "If you know what I mean" to ANY sentence
Immediately, it sounds a tad bit off.

* * * * *

Last one for the day...

"If you ever become a mother, can I have one of your puppies?"

Get it? ;) No? You bitch

* * * * *

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Chapter 8, Earth Hour Charity Walk

EARTH HOUR CHARITY WALK

Show you support by joining the Earth Hour Charity Walk on the 28th of March, Saturday

RM10 only.

The walk starts at Persiaran CapSquare, continues along Jalan Ampang and back to Persiaran CapSquare. It'll take about 25-30 minutes.

There will be a countdown to KEGELAPAN. There's a perfect view of KL tower turning off their lights at the same time.

Performances:

• Fire-eating show
• Brass band
• Oriental drums
• Acoustic performances
• Cheerleading (Charm All-Stars)

Let's watch KL go black!!!

Every participant will get a FREE Earth Hour t-shirt and a Recycle Goodie Bag.

Don't wear heels! It's a walk for Mother Nature, not fashion :)

Earth Hour CHARITY WALK

Chapter 7, Facebook dalam BM

Pertama sekali, saya ingin mengatakan bahawa saya tidak mempunyai tanggapan yang buruk terhadap bahasa ibunda saya. Ini hanya pendapat saya tentang perbezaan Facebook jika diterjemahkan dalam BM. Dengan itu, saya ucapkan, selamat membaca! :)

* * * * *

Daaamn son.. My BM is horrendous! HAHA!

Okay moving on..

Facebook in BM is the ugliest thing ever.

I just logged out. I was too confused.

I CAN'T NAVIGATE AROUND THE NEW LAYOUT

Nak tackle layout lama pun dah satu hal. Dia tukar lagiiiiii~

Haaaiiihhh...

"-.-

Anywho, I logged into my Facebook account, and what do you know..

It's in BM.

My eyes almost popped outta my head

I'm already having enough trouble analysing the new look.

Okay la tadahal la. I figured I should give it a go

Just to see whether it's user-friendly or not.

I was searching around...

Cari butang English, tak jumpa.

Cari butang 'Old Facebook', tak jumpa.

Tiba-tiba, something caught my eye.

"Sila lihat dinding ke dinding"

Perrrggghhhh.. buruk gila! Try saying that, tapi stress on the 'd' for the dinding..

DINDING KE DINDING

Serious shit tak lawa!

Okay okay, takpa..

Let it go.

Then, I clicked a few stuff.

*Click*

Okay, the usual. Komen..

*Click*

Halaman Utama

*Browsing, browsing*

'Suapan baru'

WHAT THE- ?

ooooohhhh.. News Feed.

Out of all the translated terms, my favourite has got to be...

'CUIT'

As in Poke

Poke Farhana.

Cuit Farhana.

Eeeeiiiii.. geli geli

Random moment; Geli mat mat maaat..

WATCH THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO!

HAHA! I swear this thing is HILARIOUS!

Continuing..

Cuba if MSN was in BM?

Nudge jadi apa?

GEGAR? USIK?

GEGAR Farhana.. USIK Farhana

Ya Allah.. Cannot cannot

I rest my case. Penat kerut dahi bukak Facebook tadi

Sekian.

p/s: If I knew the perfect word for 'cheers' in BM, I'd use that to end my post. Sapa tau 'cheers' in BM?

Chapter 6, PUKI?!

Malaysia needs better street names lah.. Apahal ada PUKI pulak niii.

'-.- adddoooiiiii

Chapter 5, YouthSays

If you guys have something to say, or have an opinion to share,

Click HERE

It's a website called YouthSays.

It's a community of youths who dedicate their time by sharing their opinions, make a collective difference, and get rewarded.

They have discussion boards, Q & A, paid form of surveys.

I've just signed up recently. So far, I'm thoroughly content with what YouthSays offer.

A platform where I can be heard.. And possibly make a difference.

Be open-minded and just take a look around.

You've got nothing to lose and EVERYTHING TO GAIN.

There's even CASH INVOLVED.

** MY EXPERIENCE

I was browsing through YouthSays yesterday. I went through the section where they have youths asking questions and answering them.

I then came across a question by this girl. Her comment pissed me off weeeiii..

You know when you watch Tom & Jerry, when Tom gets mad, he'll turn red pastu telinga dia mesti keluar asap, pastu ada bunyi keretapi yang 'choo choooo~!!'

Yeah, that's how I felt. Boleh buat gaduh. 

I had to restrain myself from cussing when I gave my answer.

-------------------------------------------------

Here's the question.

Kenapa perempuan sekarang susah sangat nak tutup aurat??

buat apa dok tayang2 aurat untuk tarik perhatian lelaki? bukan ke kalau diorang nak cari bini nak yang baik2. bukan terdedah sana sini. buat tmbh dosa sndri ngn org lain je wt ape. haih...

p/s:org pkai tudung n baje xketat pn ada yang toleh nak usha jgk. adui...

-------------------------------------------------

So, are you as pissed as I am? Well then, what are you waiting for?

SPEAK UP! ;)

Cheers y'all!

Chapter 4, revelation

I sometimes feel like I waste so much time doing nothing.

There's so much to be done and said, yet I can't seem to get on with it.

I should be more actively involved in sports..
I wanna play basketball.
I don't even mind if the sun darkens my epidermis..
I just wanna hear the 'whoosh' of the net when I score a basket.

I wanna get a bicycle.
I miss the adrenaline I get while cycling.
Especially when the wind blows once I start pedaling fast.
So fast till I have to squint.
So fast that I can't even feel my face.
So much fun :')

I wanna be the change I wish to see in the world.

I wanna be able to accomplish all this before I get bored..
I wish I was less fickle-minded and more decisive.
I wish I was less indecisive.

I want to be more articulate.
I miss burying my nose into a story book.
A story book so interesting, I'd read till I fall asleep.
So interesting, that I'd dream about what I read.

The last time that happened, I was reading Harry Potter.
I dreamt that I was a witch.
I had on a black robe and I was waving a wand.
I felt so cool.. Haha! ;P
I wish that world is real.
If it did, I'd be so awesome at doing spells.
Even if I can't cast spells, I'd be happy just by waving the wand around.

I'm Potty over Potter.
JK Rowling is a bloody GENIUS!

I like that I don't really care what people think of me.
Cuz I know we all have our flaws.
What sets us apart is how we use it to our advantage.

I feel that money sometimes invite more trouble than we think.
Altho.. I can't deny that I'd love to have more of it..
Just a little bit more..
So that I can go shopping and makan puas2.

I think Damansara Uptown has the best siput sedut EVER
It's also called balitong, apparently.

I've lost my appetite for McDonald's.
It's so dry and flavourless.
McD sales is dropping.. cuz people believe that they're funding for the war in Gaza.
When in actual fact, they're not.
So McD's counter is to give discounts during lunch time..
Mengada lah. Bila takda profit, baru nak turunkan harga.

Lemak betul.

But it shows that Malaysians are contributing to the whole Gaza thingy (or trying).
Even if it's a small gesture like.. not eating McDonald's.

Malaysians aren't that bad after all ;)

I'd love to live in another country..
But I think I'd miss the food in Malaysia way too much.

Come to think of it, I think belacan is one of the weirdest food around.
Tapi takpa. Sedap.

Mamak sounds weird if you say it byk2 kali..
mamak.. mamak.. mamak..
mamaaaaak.......
KAN?!!
HAHA!! Apa laaa..

Last but not least,
I love my best friend.
I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for her.
Because of her, I've learned to love myself more.

Adoooiii jiwang nya! ;p

I feel like I wanna write more..
But less IS more.

So, there's nothing more to this post of mine.
That's all.

p/s: Terima kasih kepada sesiapa yang telah meluangkan masa untuk meratap isi jantung saya. Maaf jika bahasa saya telah menyinggung perasaan anda. Kalau terasa, saya pelawa anda untuk terjun di mana2 gaung yang berdekatan. Semoga hidup anda lebih bahagia.

Chapter 3, surprise surprise

Isn't nature beautiful when you least expected it?

Chapter 2, Napoleon, Mona Lisa & Whoopi Goldberg

I think from now onwards, I'll begin every entry with some interesting facts. I'm starting to run out of things to write about actually :)

Fact #1

"Napoleon was terrified of cats. He also hung The Mona Lisa on his bedroom wall. The Mona Lisa btw, has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off"

Okaaay.. Napoleon takut kucing? KUCING?! Meow meow? Ya Allah.. He had the wits to conquer the world but he's scared of cats. Adoi.. tak laki la Napoleon nii

I've never really paid any attention to Mona Lisa's eyebrows. So.. I could care less. Tapi Whoopi Goldberg also takda kening! :P

      

See? No KENING!

Fact #2

"Every time you sneeze, some of your brain cells die"

Riiight.. I've just recovered from a massive flu. Patutla Aalia ckp I lembap semcm masa tuuu.. Ish

Chapter 1, the Beginning

Dear 2008,

First and foremost, I'd like to thank you for teaching me such valuable lessons. You were certainly a surprise, but a delightful one. I've seen that people never change. Well, at least not that much. I've made connections with people I never thought I would. Most of all, I've finally found a friend who I can truly call 'my best friend'. She's an important part of me. She's my 'diary'.

Entering 2009, I feel hopeful. Very hopeful indeed. Brace youself, 2009. I welcome you with open arms and a kick-ass attitude. I hope you're ready.

I know I am.