Chapter 30, the end

I have decided to leave blogspot,
Cuz I don't like it anymore,
I will go to tumblr,
Because its name is cooler.

Dear blogspot, you have been kind to me,
You are a place where I can be all I want to be,
A place where I can let it all out,
And write whatever I want to write about.

I bid you farewell,
Toodles!

Chapter 29, who are you writing for?

I think I came across a realisation.

I think I've always tried to write for other people, instead of writing for myself.

I think advertising made me write from the public's point of view.

'Understand how they think, Fo'

'Why do they do what they do?'

'You must go into their minds, put yourself in their shoes.'

'You have to think harder Fo. Keep asking yourself.'

Well, that's what my lecturer has been telling me.

Advertising is evil.

It drives people to buy things that they don't need.

With the money that they don't have.

I think I wanna stop thinking about how other people think.

I think I'm tired of that.

I think too much.

I'm gonna start writing for myself.

I think something unexpected just happened.

I think I'm scared, and curious at the same time.

But I feel good about it.

Is that a good combination?

I guess we'll know soon enough.

Chapter 28, White blood

When I was a kid, I didn't like being told what to do.

In preschool, I was too busy fighting with boys while the girls played 'masak-masak'

I'd ask for Hot Wheels instead of a Barbie doll.

In primary school, I'd spend my time running away from the senior prefects because I didn't wanna wear a tie.

And tuck in my shirt.

And button up my sleeves. And wear a name tag. And pin up my fringe.

I was a prefect back then. And there was a lot of things I didn't want to do.

I think the teachers made me into one so they could... tame me I suppose.
Or should I say, discipline me?

I couldn't care less. I was too busy climbing trees at school.

After recess.. While everyone else was lining up.

I had a bicycle. I'd spend hours riding it. Even during fasting month.

One day, I wanted to try something else with the bike.

Something new.

I thought to myself, "What if my right hand was on the left handle bar and and the left hand was on the right?"

So I crossed my hands, and started pedaling.

For a second there, it looked like I was actually cycling! Like for real! Hands crossed!

I was soooooo happy :D

That moment lasted 3 seconds.

And then I fell.

My knee tore. I bled for half an hour.

I saw some white stuff. I thought it was white blood or something.

It was the first time I saw my own blood.. trickling down my knee.

I don't remember it hurting. Just lots and lots of blood. I thought I was tough and all y'know? :P

Bruised but not crying. Hehehehehe

I went to my mum and told that my knee was bleeding. And there was some white blood too.

And my mum said, "People don't bleed out white blood."

So I lifted the cloth that was covering my knee and said, "Then what's this?"

It turned out to be my tendon. Or was it my ligament? Might be my bone.

Well, it's the white stuff that connects stuff which is surrounding by loads of other stuff.

Whatever. I dunno. Go ask a doctor.

Well, that's when I found out that people don't bleed white blood.

And that something bad usually happens when a sentence starts with 'what if...'

The problem is, if it doesn't start with 'what if...' then you'll never know if it could actually work or not. Right?

I'd rather be the one who says "Once I tried...." rather than "I've never done that before. What's that like?"

If we never experimented, we would never make mistakes.

And if we never made mistakes, we would never learn anything.

Life lesson learned.

And now I have a scar on my knee that looks like this

Chapter 27, Chocolate couture

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you see this picture?

Fashion? Wind? Art? Couture?

Ridiculous fabric with way too much movement?

You'd probably be thinking along the lines of fashion.

You couldn't be more wrong.

Sure, it's fashion.

But it's purpose, has little to do with fashion.

This is the new ad for Cadbury Flake.

Fashion meets advertising.

Doesn't get any sweeter than that.

Personally, I think it looks like a jellyfish.

Please, watch the 1-minute video down there.

You'll enjoy it.

Chapter 26, Cadbury Flake TV commercial

Chapter 25, This cat

* * * * *

There was once a cool cat,
the cat was anything but fat,
it can walk and stalk,
but then again.. it doesn't talk,
why? because it's a cat.

This cat used to be pretty lonely,
the other cats were kinda phony
those cats were boring,
they wouldn't stop purring,
this cat wants another it can call 'homie'.

And then one day....

This cat met another cat,
they felt some sparks and started to chat,
the two found each other,
who seemed like no other,
they made their connection right off the bat.

This cat's pretty happy now,
this cat didn't really know how,
but how doesn't really matter,
everything just feels better,
this cat's pretty happy now.

* * * * *

Chapter 24, The Dainty Violet

There was a girl who seemed unsure,
she seeks around, looking for a cure.
Inside she wonders,
she yearns and ponders,
of what she wants, be it defined or obscure.

She explores the world, learning how to live,
in time she learned how to be persuasive.
To be furtive, but not be passive.
Yes she did, she learned how to live.

Her quest is yet to have an ending,
She's not up and about, walking around pretending,
In time we'll know,
she'll put on a show,
of something unnerving and intriguing.

She stands out in a sea of crowd,
unfazed by people around her.
She's one of a kind, as you now know,
she's like a river, she goes with the flow.

For eyes that look but do not see,
Those eyes know nothing of what is beauty.
She's aight, I guess.
I have to say, I'm impressed.
I see in her, what's not in me.

Sappho once said, "What is beautiful is good,
and who is good is beautiful."
So it matters not how one looks.
As long as she's not being a fool.

-- Farhana Osman, FO

Chapter 23, the big 2-0

When you're 20,
you realise that people start calling you 'kak'
Instead of 'dik'

When you're 20,
you'll realise that you gotta start taking things a little more seriously
Suddenly you start to think more.
You learn to hold your tongue.
You watch, and listen.
You learn.

You realise that there are certain boundaries in life.
I think..
Boundaries are created by people who are scared.
Scared of the unknown.
Boundaries don't just keep other people out,
they cage you in.

We confuse reality with things that are made up in our minds.
We see lines.
Lines that are blurred.
Suddenly, things that are black and white,
become gray areas.
What do you do, when there are so many shades of gray?
Does it even matter?
Maybe not.
So we cross those lines anyway.
Hoping to find some kind of silver lining on the other side.
Like..
A knight in shining armour.
A pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
A light at the end of the tunnel.
But then,
Sometimes the other side turns out to be messy

Hey, LIFE, is messy.

We were MADE in a mess
That's the bedroom
or living room, or bathroom.
Wherever your parents decide to procreate
It's still messy.

We were BORN in a mess
Watch some birth videos and you can see
See the gunk that covers your body as a baby
Yeah, I know. Gross.
And messy.

We LIVE in a mess.
So, that's basically Mother Nature getting pissed at us.
She flipped the brid.
She unleashed her wrath.
There's Katrina, El Nino, Rita
They're all girly names for natural disasters right?
Maybe that's Her way of saying,
"Fuck all y'all for treatin' me like shit! Imma shake things up for y'all!"
Yes, I just made Mother Nature very ghetto.
You'll never hear things on the news like,
"Crickey! Take a look at that! It's Hurricane Bob!"
Never.
What else is there?
Tina, Patricia, Angelica, Barbara
Okay, now I'm just making things up

So, I've made up my mind.
20 will be different.
I've got to be more.. 'responsible'
IF, that's possible.
To think what's best for me, and only me.
Yeah, it's selfish. But what matters is how I see myself through my eyes.
Not yours.
Never yours.

So here's me, being me.
A more serious me.
At least, me being serious and sarcastic.
Sarcastically serious? Or seriously sarcastic?
Whatever.

In the end, I think age is just another boundary
We don't have a choice, but to let it come.
We either welcome it with open arms,
Or give em the 'cold shoulder'
The only choice we have
is whether we want to grow up.

Some food for thought for y'all out there.
Being serious can be tiring.

p/s: I think this is the only post I have without emoticons. I'm expressing myself through words. Sepenuhnya.

Sekian.

Chapter 22, how Crocs came about

Crocs are ugly.
It's ugly.
I didn't know something ugly could be trendy.
The ones for the ladies are okay, cuz they look rather nice on ones feet.
I just don't like the big ones men would wear.
I'm guessing this is how Crocs came about..

* * * * *

Once upon a time, there was a group of construction workers.
They had really nice muscles because they lift heavy stuff everyday.
And they enjoy fishing, and drinking beer.
And they don't shave much, so they're quite scruffy and messy.
Anyway, one day they decided to go fishing.
They headed off to a nearby river with all their fishing gear.
When they got there, they put their rain boots on and began reeling.
But one of them was feeling rather.. "one-with-nature"
He started doing yoga recently, because he wanted to be more flexible.
For his wife.
Lately, he's been very in-tuned to his feelings.
And he wanted to feel the water between his toes,
but he didn't want the rocks to slice his feet.
Because he thought sharks might come and attack him if he started bleeding.
He wasn't very smart,
but he was quite creative.
He said to himself, "Hhmm.. this won't do"
And voila! He had an idea.
He took a nail and started making holes in his construction boots.
That way, he can dip his feet in water without getting cuts on his feet.
He was relieved, knowing that sharks won't attack him.
Like I said, he wasn't very smart.

* * * * *

You see, Crocs began as an outdoor shoe.
And noooow, they sell them in pasar malam!

The same with checkered shirts.
It's gotten to a point where everyone looked like they are in uniforms.
Just in different colours.

Whatever, bye.

Chapter 21, Coke makes you happy

I was browsing thru the web, and I came across this.
I thought it was fantastic. Such a simple way to make people happy.
Make people spread their happiness.
Enjoy ;)

Coke / Coca-Cola - The Happiness machine - (2010) 2:00 (USA)

Chapter 20, LRT misunderstanding

When you're in an LRT, you're expected to make room for people.
People who are disabled, old or pregnant.
So when there's no more seats left,
and a pregnant lady stands next to you,
you're expected to give up your seat.
After all, she has a person growing inside of her.

It so happens that today, I had to take the LRT cuz my car wont start.
I was on my way back from college.
There were no seats left, but it wasn't crowded.
There was this woman standing next to me.
I was sitting, so my head was practically at the same level as her tummy.
I was looking at her, scanning her from top to bottom.
I looked at her hair, legs, how she talks, what she wears..
Semua lah.
I think, observing sounds better, don't you think?
Yes, I was making an observation.
Don't judge me, everyone does that.
Yes, you pun. Jgn tipu.

So yeah, I was staring..
But I didn't make it obvious. I was busy texting someone.
Okay, I mean pretending to. It's not nice to stare kan?
Well, I think it's fine to stare as long as no one else notices.
;)

I thought to myself,

Oh, there's pregnant lady. I should offer her my seat, right?
Shit, what if she's not pregnant? What if that's just a tummy?
A tummy with no baby..
Fuuuuck, that'd be pretty awkward right?
She'd be cursing me till I die cuz I thought she was pregnant.
When she's actually not.
Maybe I should put my shades on and pretend that I'm blind

And then I remember fiddling with my phone a while ago..
Pretending to text.
Which blind person can do that?

I rested my head to the side and pretended to sleep.
Thank God she left soon after.
I'm still wondering whether she's pregnant or not.
It's not like I can go up to her and say,

"Miss, I think you should have a seat. Pregnant ladies should conserve energy whenever they can."

Conserve energy.
Yesss, I made her sound like an appliance
A pregnant appliance.. that's energy-saving.

Was she pregnant, or not?
Hhmm.. I guess I'll never know.

Chapter 19, there's this thing called PERSONAL SPACE

Behold the irony of this picture!
This is some funny shit man :)

On a lighter note, I've always wondered..
Why the fuck hell do people say 'free gifts'?
Which fucker smart ass came up with that?
Aren't all gifts free?!
So stupid.

I hate it when I'm sitting on a bench or a chair,
reading a newspaper or a magazine
And then some head comes hovering next to me
Reading the paper
WITH ME. NEXT TO ME.
He or she is so close, I could hear them BREATHE
If that's not bad enough, they smell too!
WTF! Bloody shit hell.
There's this thing called PERSONAL SPACE
It's my space. And yes, it's personal.

I should come up with a list of behaviours that annoy me..
Next post lah. It might take a while :P
Au revoir~

Chapter 18, let's be suggestive, shall we? ;)

Behind every great woman, there's a guy looking..
at her ass.

Don't do it in the garden, in the pool,
or even in the back seat of a car.
Love might be blind,
but people aren't.

Speaking of backseats.. be careful.
Kids + back seat = accidents
Accidents + back seats = kids
kids you didn't plan having
geddit?

Men can fake relationships & marriages
Women can do the same
If there's one thing that men can't fake
it's orgasms :P

Love is not just a mental disorder..
It might also be a sexually transmitted disease.

I shall end this post with one of my favourite quotes..

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure,
I make mistakes, I'm outta control,
and at times, a little hard to handle,
but if you can't handle me at my worst,

Then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

~ Marilyn Monroe

Chapter 17, Auntie Fofo

Yeap! The title of this post says it all. Fofo sudah jadi Auntie.
Please, don't call me 'makcik'. Sungguh tak glamour.
World, meet Tara Dania.
Picture was taken the day she was born, 12th Oct '09.

Yeah she's very bulat. And she smells like a baby :P
She doesn't do much. She just sleeps and breastfeeds...
She can wiggle2 a bit.
She'd open her eyes,
and then give me this.. what-are-you-looking-at punya face
And she poops too.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
She can do all that while being cute.
I can't wait to picit2 her pipi till she cries :)

So yeah, that's about it.
My life is boring.
I don't have people staring at me 24/7 thinking I'm God's greatest gift.
Not like Tara. People look at her and go "aaww~"
I don't get an "aaww~". I get "weeeiiii~"
Or "wooooiiiiii" :P
Hahaha. Dearest Tara, you'll have a wonderful life ahead of you.
I'll be home more often.
Nak kena jadi 'Auntie yang berhemah & bertauliah'
Hahahahahahahaha
Toodles!

Chapter 16, Twilight & poems ;)

Okay, I've decided to give Twilight a chance.
I figured, beneath all that hype, there must be something nice about it.
Besides, I gotta know what that vampire stuff is all about before I say more.
Hollywood didn't really give Twilight a fair chance tho..
Pri said it's one of those books you can just get hooked on.
She said in a way it's better than Harry Potter
(Completely bull.. But that's just my opinion)
grrr.... >:(

EVERYONE'S FLYING OFF DAAAAAHHH! :(:(
I miss Lye, Pri & Eve

One another note...

I was feeling bored
I was feeling blue
So I wrote this poem
My most recent breakthrough

Don't be quick to judge
And please don't hold a grudge
I did this just to kill time
To give myself some peace of mind

Enjoy :)

* * * * *

Women

There was a man who wanted a lady
But he didn't want one who is all bitchy
He thought and pondered
Which one, he wondered
Would be a good fit for me?

Does it take a pretty lassie
To make him call her honey
Or perhaps eyes that are dreamy
To cool him down when he's angry

Maybe a body shaped like a coke bottle
Can make him feel civil and humble
Or does it take a complete whore
To make his heart feel at war

Maybe it takes a total skank
Which chains he'd want to yank
Or perhaps a fuller figure
That might pull his trigger

Does it take a lass who seemed sweet
But turns out, she's a freak in the sheets?
Or maybe he needs a total fox
Whose drinks are always on the rocks

Maybe it takes ample bosom
To make him wanna have a threesome
Or perhaps a woman with class
Who also has a nice arse

At the end of the day
There's nothing left to say
When the time comes
He'll know to whom he belongs

Chapter 15, I've always wondered...

Have you ever had certain questions that are just so... stupid?
But I've been told that there's no such thing as a stupid question.
Oh well, here goes nothing

* * * * *

I've always wondered...
When I go to the cinema, which side of the cupholder is mine?
What about the armrest?

I've always wondered...
Why are the numbers on a telephone and a calculator reversed?

I've always wondered...
There is this saying “if all is not lost”
It makes no sense.
If all is not lost, then where the hell is it?

I've always wondered...
Heard of this rhyme before?

Beans beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you eat, the better you feel
So eat your bean for every meal.

Okay I understand that beans are good for the digestive system and all
But aren't beans vegetables?

I've always wondered...
If a crop circle is the shape of a triangle or a square,
Is it still called crop circle?

I've always wondered...
Why does everyone sound American when they sing in English?
Brits, Scots, Aussies..
But when an Indonesian sings, they sound like they're from Siam.
lol watch this

I've always wondered...
How do you handcuff someone who's only got one hand?
Would they like.. handcuff his ankles instead?

I've always wondered...
I've never heard someone who's actually SEEN people putting up a billboard
Tau2, eh! Iklan baru!

I've always wondered...
Why are there holes in those jacob's crackers?

And lastly, I've always wondered...
Up until today..
Why, on earth, do Superheros wear their undies on the outside?
It makes peeing that much harder.
Do they still wear undies inside the costume?

Chapter 14, it's finally here!

HARRY POTTER IS COMING! TOMORROW!
I'm so excited I might just wet my pants
Yeah I'm a fanatic. Screw you
TWILIGHT, eat shit
You'll never be as big as Harry Potter :)

* * * * *

There was a mosquito flying near my ear.
I got too excited about killing it
I would've been thoroughly satisfied
If only the mosquito had died
"-_-

Their sound is annoying
Annoying, like the itch they give you
I'll kill you some other time
Not now cuz I have a test later at 9

* * * * *

Sorry I got bored and I was feeling 'artistic'
The irony of the mosquito's survival boggles my mind
Okay gotta run.
I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight.

Chapter 13, work stories

I used to work at a credit service company.
Everyday I call customers and ask them to pay their installments
for their TV and all that shit
Same old shit, every single day.
I don't know how those people can stand working there for years.
Pay was not bad la for a high school grad.
TAPI BOSAN MACAM NAK MATI
I couldn't handle it.

We had a Japanese boss. He's very punctual and anal about time.
He walks really fast.. like he's got something stuck up his ass.
Strict and stern as hell. Like I said, ASS
Toilet break was limited to 5 minutes.
Mine turned into a 20-minute smoking/eating/sleeping break.
Macam sial.
I quit after 2 months.

I came across this really.. stupid.. foolish.. tak pergi skolah punya customer.
She's like the... makcik datin yang suka pakai gelang byk2 punya type
Who can't really speak english.
But desperately wants to be glamorous.

Here's how the conversation went...

* * * * *

Me: A**N credit service. Farhana speaking. How may I help you?

Caller: Ah. Yes cik Farhana. Can I go to customer service?

Me: Excuse me? Are you asking about our HQ location?

Caller: Eh noooo.. Customer service lah. Can I talk to them?

Me: Uhh.. miss, all of us here are working under customer service. Can you be more specific?

Caller: Oh, wait eehh. I go check

*Background voice*
"Yaaaaaang! Apa nak ckp niii? Customer service apa eh?"
*Man's voice mumbling something*

Caller: Yes, Can direct me to customer service DEPARTMENT, please.

Me: Okay, no problem. Which department are you referring to?

Caller: The one who talk with the customer laa..

Me: "-_-

*I hung up the phone*

* * * * *

Adoooiiii! Stress!
Woooooooiiii!!!!
CUSTOMER SERVICE MANA YANG TAK CKP DGN CUSTOMER?!

I swear I did not have the patience for that kind of.. intelligence.

Or should I say.. Lack of intelligence.

Chapter 12, let's get it on!

This is by far the cutest, funniest condom commercial I have ever seen.
by Durex

Enjoy :)

Chapter 11, bleeding advertising

I wish people would stop questioning Megan Fox's gender.
It doesn't matter if she's a dude or a chick
Or a dude with prominent feminine features
Of if she's straight or not
She's bisexual as a matter of fact

She's smokin' hot. And that's all to it :)

On the other note, I came across this.



This is a print ad for a road safety campaign done in New Zealand. Pretty cool ey?

They wanted people to slow down when it rained. They used the conditions themselves (in this case, the rain) together with the roadside billboards to communicate the message.

So when it rained, beautiful portraits of people on billboards started to bleed.

Easter is usually the worst time of year for road accidents in New Zealand. The reason is the holiday rush combined with the first heavy rain after summer. The client wanted to remind people to “drive to the conditions”.

How successful was this campaign ad? For starters, no one died that year during Easter. No fatalities. Limiting to the area that this print was located of course.

Why can't Malaysia have cool ads like this? Pfft~